[rant.TV]

Feb. 28th, 2005 10:34 pm
[personal profile] xtina_testing
Allow me to describe to you every CSI show ever ever.

---

The crime happens.  For some reason, no one catches on to the fact that a crime scene investigator doesn't investigate people.

The lead guy glowers and is stern and stuff.  He finds the suspect, who lies, because that's what they do.  Sometimes they tell the truth, just to switch it up, but that just means they're really lying.

Science Happens.  Woosh!  It confirms that the first suspect has something to do with the original crime!

Suspect is brought into the Office Of Truth.  Unable to resist the truth-rays, the suspect tells the truth.

More Science.  Woosh!  Unbeknownst to the viewers at home, all scientists were forced to superglue their hair to their head, to prevent stray strands from dropping into the DNA samples.  They also had to wear clear face masks, which explains their acting.

The wily Science-O-Meter tracks down a better suspect, who is brought into the office in order to tell the truth nothing but.

Science Goes Woosh.  Woosh!  Now it's time for grisly stuff!  Because you really wanted to know the inner workings of a knife going into someone's eyeball!

Is it a third person?  Or does the woosh point to the first one again?  Wacky hijinks ensue!  Oh the funky suspense!

The lead guy glowers some more.  Watch him glower.  Doesn't he look a lot like William Macy?  Well, he isn't.  Glower glower glower.

And lo, a sudden twist at the end!  It was the person you least suspected the most!  Er, the least!  Least most the least!  Ah, whatever.  Someone was caught, or something, and... that's... good.  Yes!  We all can get behind that, right?

In closing, the makers of the show would like to point out to you that the show is based on the fact that one person's observation of events (a) isn't the entirety of the matter and (b) he might be lying, so nyeah, you couldn't have figured that out on your own anyways, not unless you're a Crime Scene Investigator.

---

Dear god, I hate this show.  On the bright side, I have the best icon for this rant.
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